One of the things I most want to do with this blog is help the readers understand their value, worth and significance! I believe that in order to do this I must be as transparent and authentic as possible which sometimes is uncomfortable. But I understand that the best way to help someone through something is to share your own experience of going through the same thing! Anyone can tell you how to handle a particular situation but unless they have been through it themselves…well, lets just say their advice has more credibility if they are speaking from PERSONAL experience!
Today I was feeling a little less than significant! Wondering if anyone really reads what I write or even cares! I guess you could say that I was having a bit of a “Pity Party” and I was the only guest! I am really being transparent and feeling really vulnerable right now but if I am going to ask you to open yourself up and be vulnerable then how can I not do the same for you?
Anyway, as I said, I was having a bit of a pity party and this was AFTER my morning meditation! In my meditation, which was all about “Moksha” (emotional freedom), I set my intention to let go of trying to control the circumstances of my life and trust the universe to work out the details! This is sometimes difficult for someone like me but I decided to do it and immediately felt a little lighter once I was out of meditation.
The night before, I turned my Blackberry completely off so as not to be disturbed by the alerts of emails and notifications all night…or at least that is what I told myself! But the real reason was so that I would not experience the feeling of disappointment when it didn’t ring! When I turned it back on this morning that is exactly what happened…disappointment set in when I realized that not even my mother had called me! Wow! Talk about being emotional! Now I was feeling so insignificant and contrary to what I would encourage readers and clients to do, I began to get a little down on myself! Yep, I sure did! Now I know this may come as a surprise to most of you who know me but it happens to me at times too! Even the encouragers need encouragement!
So I did what I would encourage anyone else to do: I sat quietly and tried to find the source of these feelings of insignificance. You see, I looked at this as an opportunity to heal a past hurt that I knew was the driving force behind these feelings. The fact that I haven’t heard from the gentlemen that really wanted to hear from was too a major factor in all of this. Why hasn’t he called? Does he even care? I ran the gamut of questions but ultimately decided to turn within to see where all of this was coming from.
Once I was done with this process ( one is never really DONE), I felt a little better that I had identified some of the source of these emotions I was feeling. but of course some were still there. As I said, it is a PROCESS and one is never really done with it. Just then I decided to check in on Facebook only to find that I had two messages: one was a return message from a beautiful friend of mine who had just gotten married. I had sent her a message earlier wishing her well in her marriage. She was thrilled at receiving the message and thanked me for putting a smile on her face!
Now here is the good part: the next message was from a FB “friend” whom I don’t even really know. Our connection is that we were both staff member on the Obama campaign ( in different states) and I believe he still is. He sent me a video along with a message that said “Dedicated to Leisa…Yes we can” along with a wish for a great day! Now the video was called “Hold on Tight to Your Dreams” and it was all about Obama and Biden making their dream come true despite all of the challenges and obstacles they faced. I sat there almost in shock and started to cry! Why, because just yesterday I questioned MY dream and wondered if what I had set out to do was making a difference at all! I questioned my sanity for leaving my previous job to pursue my dream and to be honest, I even gave up a little on this dream of mine…I doubted!
It seemed that everything I tried to do was not working out. I had gotten so frustrated with this dream that I just wanted to be done with it! Not like me at all but at a time when so many challenges are coming at you as they have been at me you can easily get tired…mentally as well as physically. I was mentally exhausted and just didn’t have any more energy to give. I was done with trying to “MAKE IT HAPPEN!”
So my message to you today is this: YOU ARE SIGNIFICANT! You matter! The other part of this message is to never ever give up on your dream! Even when it seems that nothing is working the way you would like it to, never give up! Your dream is your gift to you from the Divine…The gift that you are to give the world! So when nothing seems to be happening and your efforts to “MAKE IT HAPPEN” seem to be in vain, LET GO of control and trust the Divine to work out the details of your dream. Oh yeah, there is going to be some work you will have to do but most of that work will be internal! Yep, you will have to work on YOU. You will have to work through past pain that still has some effect on you and your decision making. You will have to work on your “knowing” not believing but Knowing. There is a difference: Believing leaves room for doubt ( did you read this story) but when you KNOW something there is no room for doubt! You know with all your heart that what has bee planted in you, your dream, WILL and has already come true!
In Luv and Dessert,
Seems like you are talking directly to me. Thanks!!! for the wonderful words of encourage. I struggle daily, wondering if any of this is worth it. My own husband doesn't read my blogs, it hurts, but then I tell myself its not for him, its for me. And then I have people that read what I write and comment and complement and it makes my day. God does nothing in vain and he gives us dreams to teach us hope and faith. But we have to be willing to work for it. Thanks again!!!
I totally get you and appreciate your honesty in this post. When we realize that we are not alone in our feelings, thing always look brighter. Sure we'll have bad moments or bad days, but so does everyone. We can choose whether or not we stay in the darkness or not. I call it “black cloud syndrome”…when everything that comes to mind seems to have a black cloud over it and we begin to feel doomed and hopeless. When we remember that every struggle is an opportunity to be faithful and resilient, it really does help. I know that my challenges are designed to help me overcome myself so that I can thrive. When i think of it that way, I embrace the challenges and I feel powerful.
Thanks for the great read! Your blog is very inspiring!
Right on GG!!
P.M Keep writing! You have so much to say!!
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