4 Questions to ask yourself before making your New Year’s Resolutions

I’m sure you have seen them already. Friends’ social media posts about New Year’s resolutions and how 2021 is going to be their best year ever. You probably are thinking about your own resolutions and what you want the new year to look like for you.

If you’re like many of us you have made resolutions in the past that have not been fulfilled. After all, it is believed that 80% of people fail to achieve their new year’s resolutions. There are many articles about why we fail to fulfill new year’s resolutions and I myself have written about this in the past. So, if you want to be a part of the 20% of people who actually fulfill their new year’s resolutions, here are four questions to ask yourself before you make your resolutions for the new year. Being honest with yourself and really thinking about these questions just might get you on the path to fulfilling your resolutions so that you can truly have the best year of your life.

  1. Why have my resolutions failed in the past?

Being honest with yourself and digging deep to find out why previous resolutions went unfilled is one of the best ways to ensure you fulfill future resolutions. There are many reasons we fail to fulfill resolutions and sometimes it’s because we didn’t change the behavior or our thinking. Fulfilling resolutions requires making changes within ourselves. If we take the same thinking and behavior into the new year, we can be sure that whatever we resolve to do will turn out the same way as in the past.

2.  How did I decide on the resolutions I made?

There are many reasons why we make the resolutions that we make. Asking ourselves how we decided to make those resolutions and understanding their source can go a long way in helping us fulfill future resolutions. Ask yourself did you have a healthy sense of self-worth when you made previous resolutions or were you operating from a place of low self-worth? Were your resolutions rooted in fear? For example, if you have experienced financial challenges and you feared not having enough money in the future and you made a resolution to save more money, if you have not dealt with the thinking and behaviors that caused you not to save in the past (maybe you’re an emotional spender or you haven’t set a budget) you are bound to repeat the behaviors that prevented you from saving in the first place and your resolution to save more money will go unfulfilled

3. What did I change about myself to help me fulfill my resolutions?

2020 presented us with many opportunities for personal growth and development and to make changes within ourselves. 2020 challenged us to think about how we treat ourselves and the people around us. It presented us with opportunities to evaluate how we live our lives,

4. What process can I put in place to support myself and keep me on track to fulfill my resolution(s)? 

Having a process or “system” in place to support yourself and help you work through challenges is one of the best ways to ensure your resolutions get fulfilled. I write about it here. Having such a process in place not only helps you work through issues and builds you up, but it can also help you stay motivated and on track to fulfill your goals. Whether it’s a Spiritual practice that consists of meditation, crystals, prayer or it’s something else like daily desserts and positive self-talk, having a practice in place that you rely on when you are feeling doubt and/or fear that threatens to derail your resolutions can help get you back on track.

There you have it. Four questions to ask yourself before you make your new year’s resolutions. Asking these questions of yourself and answering them honestly may be just what you need to make resolutions that you will be able to fulfill. Whatever resolution(s) you decide to make, remember to give yourself some grace and some space and understand that life is going to happen as it always does. Know that this doesn’t have to throw you off track to achieving all that you resolve to achieve. So go ahead, make your resolutions, and look forward to having one of the best years of your life.

In luv and dessert,

Leisa Monique


Same S@#& Different Year?

Depending on your perspective (and what I’ve seen on social media) 2016 was a challenging year for many folks. From the deaths of loved ones to career changes to the elections, many people were just ready for 2016 to be over. Personally, 2016 was a glorious year for me. I too experienced the deaths of loved ones including my youngest brother Rocky but for me, 2016 was one of the best years I have experienced for many reasons.

What made the year so glorious for me is my perspective on life. For one, I refrain from labeling anything “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong”, “better” or “best.” For me, these labels introduce judgment, judgment of our circumstances of life and judgment of the space that we are currently in. If you have followed my writing for any length of time you know that my perspective on life is that we are always right where we are supposed to be and that whatever is happening in our lives at any moment is exactly what is needed for our growth and our evolution into the person that we were created to be.

We tend to look at the events of our lives and try to categorize them or explain them instead of just allowing them to be and looking for opportunity in them. We compare our lives to the lives of others and how we think our lives should look instead of how they actually do look. This is the point where judgment and emotion comes in. We ask the question “Why me?” and “What did I do to deserve this?” We take things personally.

Whether you consider 2016 to have been a challenging year for you or whether you consider it to have been a great year, understand that 2017 will bring many of the same experiences with it because that’s how life works. People are going to die, careers will change, relationships will begin or end, and pain may be experienced, but so will joy.  It will be up to you to decide how you view these experiences. Will you view them through a lens of challenge, or will you view them as an opportunity to grow into your best self? Perspective is everything and it will determine whether your 2017 is much like your 2016 or if it will truly be the best year of your life.

We are imbued with the power to create the life that we want. What’s important to understand is that in this process of creating, any beliefs, fears, practices, or patterns that we hold onto that will hinder with our creation will be challenged. For example, if your desire for the new year is to save money, then whatever belief or practice that you have had in the past that has prevented you from saving money is going to come up in order for you to work through it to get to the place where you can save money. If you desire a romantic relationship but have experienced nothing but heartbreak in the past, then whatever beliefs or relationship habits that you have that have contributed to your heartbreak are going to come up so that you can work through them. Understand that it is for your good and comes up to help you get to the place where you can attract a partner that you can be happy with and sustain a relationship with. It is not here to hurt you.

When these things come up embrace them and know that you are right where you are supposed to be and that what is here for you in any particular moment is just what you need in order to get to the place you want to be.

2017 CAN be the best year of your life but it will be up to you to take the necessary steps to make it so. Making plans, setting goals, creating vision boards, journaling, and the like are all great ways to help create what you want for the new year, but they are only a part of  the plan. Understand that you will experience emotions, doubts, fears and many of the same things that you did in 2016. Also understand that it’s OK. Putting a system in place to help you through these times is one of the best things you can do to help make 2017 your best year.

I recommend a solid spiritual practice as part of the system you create for yourself to help you make this your best year. Whether that system includes meditation, prayer, writing, music, dancing, working out, baths, making luv, or sitting still (Daily Desserts is what I call them), work to put something in place to help you manage the challenges of the upcoming year because they will come! Remember our motto here at EMDF: “Live and enjoy life FIRST because the problems of life will always be there!”

Whatever you decide to put in place make sure it includes starting your day off with a Daily Desserts to help you get in a positive mindset to get you through the day. This is part of my personal practice and I can assure you it helps tremendously when life happens! Just remember that everyday is what you make it so while working to make this your best year ever, make ever day of this year your best day!

In luv and dessert,

Leisa Monique

This New Year, Take Care Of Your SELF!

Wishing you all a peaceful and prosperous year. As you move forward in the new year please remember to be gentle with yourself. Let go of any lingering judgement or guilt that you may have as a result of not achieving all of the goals that you set for yourself last year. Take a moment and write down all of the things that you DID achieve no matter how small or big you think they are. I’m not just talking about accomplishments like getting a new job or starting a business. Those things are great but what personal accomplishments did you make? Be sure to write them down and congratulate yourself on them.

One of the things that I decided to do for my SELF last year was to create space for and give myself permission to feel my emotions. No matter what I was dealing with I decided that I would allow myself to feel and experience it without judgement. I also decided that I would create a candidate training program outline and I did. To some, those might not be big things but they were not meant to be either big or small but rather goals that worked for me.

That leads me to my next point for you: make your goals for the new year YOUR goals and not what the culture of this society tells you they should be. Don’t allow anyone else to tell you that you should be in a better job, relationship, house or anything else unless YOU want to be and believe me, YOU will know when the time is right for these things so trust your SELF for guidance!

 We all know deep down within ourselves what it is that we truly want but we sometimes allow others or the culture to tell us that we should be desiring something else. Something more in line with what others have or where others are. Trust your SELF to guide your goals for the new year. After all, no one knows you better than you.

I hope that as you move through the new year that you will truly take time to do something for your SELF. What I mean by that is do what will satisfy your soul-your SELF. Often we set goals thinking that achieving them will bring us the peace and happiness we desire but sometimes the goals are set for superficial reasons. For example, I have a friend who is overweight. Every year she sets a goal to lose weight and never achieves the goal. After seeing her anguish about it I finally asked her why she wanted to lose the weight. Her reasons were because she was tired of being the “fat” girl in the room and because people said she should. So I asked her why she hadn’t lost the weight. She said she couldn’t and cited medical problems, time and all sorts of other stuff. But after digging deeper I discovered  that she was grossly insecure and she was able to hide behind her weight. By being overweight people focused on her weight and not on HER. She was afraid that she was inadequate and the weight gave her an excuse to go unnoticed. Losing the weight would cause people to “see” and pay attention to her (she’s gorgeous by the way) and that scared her because of her lack of confidence in herself. She sabotaged her goal of losing weight every year because she hadn’t figured out what it was that she really wanted which was to be confident in her SELF..

So I beseech you, if you’ve set resolutions ( I hate those) or goals for yourself for the new year, to dig deep and find out why you have set those particular goals. Are they “cover” goals hiding something within or are they truly what you want for your SELF? If they are “cover” goals chances are that you will sabotage them and fail to achieve them. But if you have discovered what it is deep down inside that you truly want and you set a goal to achieve THAT, you will have a better chance at success. If it’s confidence that you really want a better job, house, car or relationship isn’t going to give it to you!

If you need help finding out what it is that you really want for your SELF I am always here to assist you. Hit the contact button at the end of this post and fill out the information to reach me. Or I can be reached at leisa@eatmydessertfirst.com.

I truly do wish you the best year of your life. May you discover all that you truly want and desire for your SELF and may you learn to trust and believe in that SELF! As always, take time to Eat Your Dessert First and start your day off with something wonderful!