Knowing who we are-divine; powerful; valuable; worthy-is a prerequisite to a healthy sense of self-worth. A healthy sense of self-worth is the premise of everything we do. it determines how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. it determines how we allow others to treat us. It determines what we think we deserve, what kind of career we choose, what kind of goals we set, and whether we think we can achieve those goals. May you always remember who you are!
How are you starting off our week? I hope you will start it off by being good to yourself and luv’ing yourself. I hope you will tell yourself good things about yourself and remind yourself that you are all that you are created to be. With all that we have going on around us, it may be easy to lose sight of that. Don’t.
I’m sure you have seen them already. Friends’ social media posts about New Year’s resolutions and how 2021 is going to be their best year ever. You probably are thinking about your own resolutions and what you want the new year to look like for you.
If you’re like many of us you have made resolutions in the past that have not been fulfilled. After all, it is believed that 80% of people fail to achieve their new year’s resolutions. There are many articles about why we fail to fulfill new year’s resolutions and I myself have written about this in the past. So, if you want to be a part of the 20% of people who actually fulfill their new year’s resolutions, here are four questions to ask yourself before you make your resolutions for the new year. Being honest with yourself and really thinking about these questions just might get you on the path to fulfilling your resolutions so that you can truly have the best year of your life.
Why have my resolutions failed in the past?
Being honest with yourself and digging deep to find out why previous resolutions went unfilled is one of the best ways to ensure you fulfill future resolutions. There are many reasons we fail to fulfill resolutions and sometimes it’s because we didn’t change the behavior or our thinking. Fulfilling resolutions requires making changes within ourselves. If we take the same thinking and behavior into the new year, we can be sure that whatever we resolve to do will turn out the same way as in the past.
2. How did I decide on the resolutions I made?
There are many reasons why we make the resolutions that we make. Asking ourselves how we decided to make those resolutions and understanding their source can go a long way in helping us fulfill future resolutions. Ask yourself did you have a healthy sense of self-worth when you made previous resolutions or were you operating from a place of low self-worth? Were your resolutions rooted in fear? For example, if you have experienced financial challenges and you feared not having enough money in the future and you made a resolution to save more money, if you have not dealt with the thinking and behaviors that caused you not to save in the past (maybe you’re an emotional spender or you haven’t set a budget) you are bound to repeat the behaviors that prevented you from saving in the first place and your resolution to save more money will go unfulfilled
3. What did I change about myself to help me fulfill my resolutions?
2020 presented us with many opportunities for personal growth and development and to make changes within ourselves. 2020 challenged us to think about how we treat ourselves and the people around us. It presented us with opportunities to evaluate how we live our lives,
4. What process can I put in place to support myself and keep me on track to fulfill my resolution(s)?
Having a process or “system” in place to support yourself and help you work through challenges is one of the best ways to ensure your resolutions get fulfilled. I write about it here. Having such a process in place not only helps you work through issues and builds you up, but it can also help you stay motivated and on track to fulfill your goals. Whether it’s a Spiritual practice that consists of meditation, crystals, prayer or it’s something else like daily desserts and positive self-talk, having a practice in place that you rely on when you are feeling doubt and/or fear that threatens to derail your resolutions can help get you back on track.
There you have it. Four questions to ask yourself before you make your new year’s resolutions. Asking these questions of yourself and answering them honestly may be just what you need to make resolutions that you will be able to fulfill. Whatever resolution(s) you decide to make, remember to give yourself some grace and some space and understand that life is going to happen as it always does. Know that this doesn’t have to throw you off track to achieving all that you resolve to achieve. So go ahead, make your resolutions, and look forward to having one of the best years of your life.
How did you come to be who you are? Did you choose the person you are, or did someone else-society, religion, or your parents-tell you who to be?
Recently I served as a panelist as part of a discussion on black women, stereotypes, and the #MeToo movement. The discussion centered on the stereotypes associated with black women and how those stereotypes helped perpetuate sexual violence against black women, and how those stories are or are not being told in this time of #MeToo.
During the discussion, the topic of black womanhood came up, specifically what it means to be a black woman. My response was that, as women, we came into our womanhood in a patriarchal society and that our womanhood has been defined by others. Men. A society that is male-centered and male-dominated has decided what the standards for being a woman are, and women themselves have perpetuated this standard. Men have decided the standards for what a woman should be, how she should dress, how she should speak, how she should behave, wear her hair, who she should date, and most importantly, her sexuality. And all of it is based on the needs, wants, and desires of males.
Question for you: Did you, as a woman, have a say in setting the standard for who you are as a woman, or did you fall in line with what was dictated to you? Do you sit quietly when you really have the desire to roar because you have been told that a lady is not loud? Do you stand by when you see an injustice being committed against others when the warrior spirit in you really wants to fight against that injustice? Do you forgo the short miniskirt that set your heart ablaze when you first saw it, or do you choose the more “appropriate” longer skirt because society says that only whores wear dresses that short?
My point is to inspire you to think about how you became who you are. If you are not being the woman you really want to be then I encourage you to courageously explore who you really are, what it is that you really like and what womanhood means for you and start on the path to becoming that woman. Know that you are supported every step of the way by the Divine. After all, it is the Divine who created you.
A few years ago I was asked to speak at a women’s empowerment luncheon. Naturally, my message was about the innate power that women possess to make and create change, why women don’t use that power and how to recognize and activate it. During my address I made the declaration that if the trajectory of the world was going to change, it would be by the hands of the world’s women. When women got tired of the violence, the miseducation of our children, childhood hunger, sexual assault, political policy that benefits only a few and other things happening in the world and took a United stand, we would begin to see things change in the world. I still believe this today.
There has never been a time in history where women’s voices, their gifts, talents, skills, strategies and our powers are not more needed than they are right now. Our world is in peril but the tide is definitely shifting. Women have been activated. All around us we are seeing women and girls get on the front lines of change. We are demanding that the powers that be hear us. As a matter of fact, we are becoming the powers that be. More women are running for elected office and assisting women in getting into elected office than ever before. We are seeing a sharp rise in the number of African American women who are choosing to run for office as well. We are seeing unprecedented numbers of women and girls engaging in activism and challenging the status quo.
On this International Women’s Day, I encourage you to find your place in this time of change. You are here for such a time as this! You are well equipped to do what you have been placed in this world to do. You are smart, brilliant, powerful, strategic, skilled, talented and gifted so that you can do what you what you have been called to do. Take your place sister! You have been activated!