Magnificent Monday-fighting Your Crazy

I came across this clip from the most unlikeliest of places-the television show Divorce Court. This is unlikely because it’s a rare day that I watch television and when I do it’s even more rare that I watch court shows. But a friend posted this and it reminded me of some of what we talk about here on EMDF. Naturally, I had to share it with you guys along with my thoughts.

In the clip the judge is encouraging a defendant (a woman) to let go of her anger and fear. Now you know that we have talked about fear quite a bit in the past and I can agree to much of what the judge says to the defendant. She describes a pattern of fear that causes anger that causes “crazy” and walks the defendant through her pattern of pain, fear and anger. Now I don’t know the whole story and I don’t know what preceded the judge giving the woman this advice but I like what she had to say.

My thought is that we have to understand that anger is a secondary emotion. The presenting issue that makes us angry is rarely if ever the actual issue but it’s usually the memory or experience that the presenting issue triggers that is the actual problem. For example, you may be angry that your significant other who forgot to pay the light bill when it was due and when you were a child you experienced the electricity being turned off because a parent didn’t pay the bill on time. The current situation with your significant other may trigger that memory and cause you to be fearful that the electricity may be turned off and in turn cause you to be angry with your significant other.

This is just an example for the sake of illustration but our previous experiences that caused us pain can still  show up in other areas of our lives today. They can cause us to put up walls and close ourselves off to the world because we are afraid that someone will hurt us again. They can cause us to be angry and bitter and hurt the people we luv because we haven’t worked through the pain of any previous experiences that hurt us.

The one place where I differ with the judge is in making a list of what is wrong with us as she encourages the defendant to do. Most of us are very good at stating what we think is “wrong” with us. I once conducted a class on affirmations and as part of the class I gave the ladies a few seconds to write down 10 things they thought were”wrong” with them; they wrote them down with ease. I then gave them the same amount of time to write down 10 things that were great about them. they had a difficult time writing this list and most could only come up with 3 or 4 great things about themselves. This is unfortunate because we are programmed to criticize ourselves and focus on what is “wrong” with us but rarely are we taught to recognize and affirm the things that are “right” with us.

We are often taught that talking about our good characteristics is tantamount to being cocky and arrogant and conceited. But as long as we are focusing on the areas we need to work on we are OK by societies standards. It’s OK to look in the mirror and take responsibility for the areas of our lives that we need to grow in and acknowledge those areas. I encourage that.  It is also OK to look in the mirror and acknowledge and affirm the areas where we rock! I encourage that too!!

In working through any anger or “crazy” issues that you may have make sure to acknowledge that which makes you great while you are acknowledging the things you need to work on. Acknowledge that you are smart, talented, creative, beautiful, compassionate, impartial or whatever great qualities that make you YOU! Be sure to be gentle and luving with yourself and give yourself the space to be human. We all have fears but we don’t have to let those fears take over our lives and turn into crazy.

As always, your thoughts are appreciated! Also, be sure to download Daily Desserts to Inspire Self-Love for more inspiring ways to affirm your greatness!!

In luv and dessert,

Leisa Monique (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i[‘GoogleAnalyticsObject’]=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,’script’,’//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js’,’ga’); ga(‘create’, ‘UA-57888448-1’, ‘auto’); ga(‘send’, ‘pageview’);

Happy Valentines Day-Daily Desserts to Inspire Self-Love

Happy Valentines Day to you all! I hope that while you’re giving luv to those closest to you, that you are giving luv to the most important person in your life: YOU! 
As my Valentines Day gift to you I want to share with you something that I have been working on for quite some time. It’s called “Daily Desserts to Inspire Self-Love” and it is my labor of luv to all of you. I hope you enjoy it. Click HERE to download.  Leave a comment in the comment section below and let me know what you think. 
In Luv and Dessert, 
Leisa Monique

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Fear and Personal Responsibility

Wow, I can hardly believe that I just posted my very first video on YouTube and I feel pretty good about it. About the video, yes, but more about taking personal responsibility and finally working through the fear that I felt about posting videos. I have my 12 year old fearless daughter to thank for that and for this post. It’s what I like about kids; they don’t succumb to fear. My daughter posts her videos and shares her thoughts with the world regardless of who may not like it and I have learned a lot from her. She handles her emotions about it like a champ!

Recording and posting this video reminded me of the anxiety that I used to have about such things. I worked through the fear of speaking publicly years ago and can now work a stage like you wouldn’t believe! I’m in my element when I’m on stage in front of a group of powerful women and I can say that being in front of a camera doesn’t bother me much either. By now you might be asking “So what was the fear about then Leisa?” Well, it was about feeling exposed and not in control. You see, when I’m on stage speaking, I have a good idea of who I’m speaking to. I get to choose who I get in front of and what I say and the audience is fairly limited. I’m prepared for this.  But posting a video of me talking about something I’m passionate about on a social media site exposes me to the world and for me that was a little scary.

People can be ruthless in their commentary and critique everything from your hair to what you are wearing to your grammar to everything and that was part of the fear; I wasn’t ready to feel the sting of people’s critique. But I also wasn’t ready for the praise that may come as well. Ahhh, the dichotomy of it all.

 If you watch the video you’ll notice that I am completely natural. I purposely wore no makeup and kept everything simple. I wanted to present myself JUST AS I AM in the raw. This is me y’all. As much as I talk about being your authentic self and being transparent I felt it necessary to present myself as such in my first video. But other’s may not feel that way and that’s OK with me. I’m a very simple girl and that translates into every aspect of my life.

I know that working through fear isn’t always easy. But knowing who you are-powerful, Divine, beautiful, love-and knowing that nothing anyone says about you can change that helps. When you are completely confident in who you are you can move forward through life and not worry about what others have to say about you. You can understand the place they are in and the source of their comments and give them the space to be where they are and know that it has nothing to do with you.

One of the most valuable pieces of wisdom I ever received was that “I am above no one and I am beneath no one.” Embracing this teaching has proven to be powerful for me and it has provided me with the ability to resist personalizing what other’s have to say about me. Reminding myself of this has been invaluable in helping me take responsibility for my own existence. It has taken some time as it relates to publicly posting videos but I’m happy to say I’m here and I’m excited.

I hope that you will take this to heart and whenever you are feeling fear about something know that no one can do it for you but you. We can look to others for inspiration but the power lies within you. so push fear aside, remember who you are and do your thing!

In luv and Dessert,

Leisa Monique (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i[‘GoogleAnalyticsObject’]=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,’script’,’//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js’,’ga’); ga(‘create’, ‘UA-57888448-1’, ‘auto’); ga(‘send’, ‘pageview’);

Eat My Dessert First Intro and Personal Responsibility

Oh my goodness!! I FINALLY published my first video! At the urging of  advisors and close friends, I finally decided to make a video and actually post it. Y’all, this was a grueling process! I can see why some people avoid making and posting videos; it took forever to post!

To be honest with you, this is not the first video that I have recorded but it is the first one that I actually posted. Why? Because of fear! Yep, even I get fearful at times; fearful of criticism and even fearful of praise.  but this year I decided that I was going to operate in excellence and that means giving my best and part of that working through whatever fear I have about publishing and doing it!

Even though in the video I speak about something close to me that I’m really passionate about-personal responsibility-this video was more about actually DOING it and follow through! This is an area that I have not been as strong in as I would like to be but all that is changing!! I’m taking personal responsibility for my life and how I live it! I hope you find some inspiration to do the same!

In luv and Dessert,

Leisa Monique (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i[‘GoogleAnalyticsObject’]=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,’script’,’//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js’,’ga’); ga(‘create’, ‘UA-57888448-1’, ‘auto’); ga(‘send’, ‘pageview’);

Fabulous Thanksgiving To You!

“Gratitude means to recognize the good in your life, be thankful for whatever you have, some people may not even have one of those things you consider precious to you (love, family, friends etc). Each day give thanks for the gift of life.You are blessed” 
 Unknown

“If a fellow isn’t thankful for what he’s got, he isn’t likely to be thankful for what he’s going to get.”
Frank A. Clark 

Good morning desserters. To all of my American friends, I wish you a wonder-filled Thanksgiving today. For all of my friends in other parts of the world that don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, I wish you a day of joy, peace, awareness, gratitude and consciousness. Know that I am thankful for each of you.  May you continue to see the blessing in YOU and may you always recognize your worth and value.

In gratitude,

Leisa Monique