Knowing who we are-divine; powerful; valuable; worthy-is a prerequisite to a healthy sense of self-worth. A healthy sense of self-worth is the premise of everything we do. it determines how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. it determines how we allow others to treat us. It determines what we think we deserve, what kind of career we choose, what kind of goals we set, and whether we think we can achieve those goals. May you always remember who you are!
No matter where you are at in your life right now, no matter what you are experiencing, no matter the “challenges,” please know that everything you are experiencing is here for your personal growth and evolution. Nothing has come to hurt you, it has come to help you evolve, develop, and grow. Embrace the space that you are in and always know that you are right where you are supposed to be.
I’m sure you have seen them already. Friends’ social media posts about New Year’s resolutions and how 2021 is going to be their best year ever. You probably are thinking about your own resolutions and what you want the new year to look like for you.
If you’re like many of us you have made resolutions in the past that have not been fulfilled. After all, it is believed that 80% of people fail to achieve their new year’s resolutions. There are many articles about why we fail to fulfill new year’s resolutions and I myself have written about this in the past. So, if you want to be a part of the 20% of people who actually fulfill their new year’s resolutions, here are four questions to ask yourself before you make your resolutions for the new year. Being honest with yourself and really thinking about these questions just might get you on the path to fulfilling your resolutions so that you can truly have the best year of your life.
Why have my resolutions failed in the past?
Being honest with yourself and digging deep to find out why previous resolutions went unfilled is one of the best ways to ensure you fulfill future resolutions. There are many reasons we fail to fulfill resolutions and sometimes it’s because we didn’t change the behavior or our thinking. Fulfilling resolutions requires making changes within ourselves. If we take the same thinking and behavior into the new year, we can be sure that whatever we resolve to do will turn out the same way as in the past.
2. How did I decide on the resolutions I made?
There are many reasons why we make the resolutions that we make. Asking ourselves how we decided to make those resolutions and understanding their source can go a long way in helping us fulfill future resolutions. Ask yourself did you have a healthy sense of self-worth when you made previous resolutions or were you operating from a place of low self-worth? Were your resolutions rooted in fear? For example, if you have experienced financial challenges and you feared not having enough money in the future and you made a resolution to save more money, if you have not dealt with the thinking and behaviors that caused you not to save in the past (maybe you’re an emotional spender or you haven’t set a budget) you are bound to repeat the behaviors that prevented you from saving in the first place and your resolution to save more money will go unfulfilled
3. What did I change about myself to help me fulfill my resolutions?
2020 presented us with many opportunities for personal growth and development and to make changes within ourselves. 2020 challenged us to think about how we treat ourselves and the people around us. It presented us with opportunities to evaluate how we live our lives,
4. What process can I put in place to support myself and keep me on track to fulfill my resolution(s)?
Having a process or “system” in place to support yourself and help you work through challenges is one of the best ways to ensure your resolutions get fulfilled. I write about it here. Having such a process in place not only helps you work through issues and builds you up, but it can also help you stay motivated and on track to fulfill your goals. Whether it’s a Spiritual practice that consists of meditation, crystals, prayer or it’s something else like daily desserts and positive self-talk, having a practice in place that you rely on when you are feeling doubt and/or fear that threatens to derail your resolutions can help get you back on track.
There you have it. Four questions to ask yourself before you make your new year’s resolutions. Asking these questions of yourself and answering them honestly may be just what you need to make resolutions that you will be able to fulfill. Whatever resolution(s) you decide to make, remember to give yourself some grace and some space and understand that life is going to happen as it always does. Know that this doesn’t have to throw you off track to achieving all that you resolve to achieve. So go ahead, make your resolutions, and look forward to having one of the best years of your life.
When was the last time you told your SELF Thank You? As
you’ve thanked everyone for helping you, encouraging you and supporting you,
have you thanked your SELF? It is easy to overlook the very person who dreams,
who perseveres, who tries time and time again even when they fail. The person
who gets up each day and goes about their day no matter how routine or mundane
it may seem. The person who provides for themselves and their families. The
person who supports and encourages others. The one who is always there for
their friends and family. The person who believes in themselves, and in the
power of their own dreams.
So often we make it a point to thank other people in our lives. When someone expresses kindness to us, we thank them. When someone gives us a compliment, we thank them. When someone offers their support to us, we thank them. We make sure to thank others. But thanking ourselves is something we may rarely think of doing but should do more often. After all, it is you that takes care of you. It is you that gets up and moves forward even when you don’t feel like it. Without YOU, you wouldn’t be able to do any of the things that you do. So, just as you acknowledge other and give thanks to and for them, do the same for your SELF and tell YOU Thank You.
Already this morning I’ve seen the “Manic Monday” and other posts about how horrible Monday is for some. This always baffles me because I look at Monday as the beginning and a perfect opportunity to decide what kind of week you are going to have. I look at is as a perfect time to calibrate your week.
I know it’s the first day after the weekend but that is the perfect time to move past your previous week and start over on your goals and desires. Maybe you didn’t get done all that you wanted to get done in the previous week; Monday is a perfect day to decide to finish it. Maybe you experienced some challenges in the previous week or over the weekend; Monday is a perfect day to move past those challenges. It’s a perfect day to decide that you are going to have a productive week. It’s a perfect day to decide that you are not going to have the same kind of day or week that those around are you are having. It’s a perfect day to decide that YOU are going to live the life that you want to live.
If you have traditionally dreaded Monday and looked at it as the worst day of your life, I implore you to recalibrate and change your outlook on Monday. It’s the beginning, a clean slate and you and only you get to decide how your week is going to go. Regardless of how those around you are behaving, choose to be happy today. Choose to be in peace today. Choose to be an example of what Monday can really be.
Wishing you all a peaceful and prosperous year. As you move forward in the new year please remember to be gentle with yourself. Let go of any lingering judgement or guilt that you may have as a result of not achieving all of the goals that you set for yourself last year. Take a moment and write down all of the things that you DID achieve no matter how small or big you think they are. I’m not just talking about accomplishments like getting a new job or starting a business. Those things are great but what personal accomplishments did you make? Be sure to write them down and congratulate yourself on them.
One of the things that I decided to do for my SELF last year was to create space for and give myself permission to feel my emotions. No matter what I was dealing with I decided that I would allow myself to feel and experience it without judgement. I also decided that I would create a candidate training program outline and I did. To some, those might not be big things but they were not meant to be either big or small but rather goals that worked for me.
That leads me to my next point for you: make your goals for the new year YOUR goals and not what the culture of this society tells you they should be. Don’t allow anyone else to tell you that you should be in a better job, relationship, house or anything else unless YOU want to be and believe me, YOU will know when the time is right for these things so trust your SELF for guidance!
We all know deep down within ourselves what it is that we truly want but we sometimes allow others or the culture to tell us that we should be desiring something else. Something more in line with what others have or where others are. Trust your SELF to guide your goals for the new year. After all, no one knows you better than you.
I hope that as you move through the new year that you will truly take time to do something for your SELF. What I mean by that is do what will satisfy your soul-your SELF. Often we set goals thinking that achieving them will bring us the peace and happiness we desire but sometimes the goals are set for superficial reasons. For example, I have a friend who is overweight. Every year she sets a goal to lose weight and never achieves the goal. After seeing her anguish about it I finally asked her why she wanted to lose the weight. Her reasons were because she was tired of being the “fat” girl in the room and because people said she should. So I asked her why she hadn’t lost the weight. She said she couldn’t and cited medical problems, time and all sorts of other stuff. But after digging deeper I discovered that she was grossly insecure and she was able to hide behind her weight. By being overweight people focused on her weight and not on HER. She was afraid that she was inadequate and the weight gave her an excuse to go unnoticed. Losing the weight would cause people to “see” and pay attention to her (she’s gorgeous by the way) and that scared her because of her lack of confidence in herself. She sabotaged her goal of losing weight every year because she hadn’t figured out what it was that she really wanted which was to be confident in her SELF..
So I beseech you, if you’ve set resolutions ( I hate those) or goals for yourself for the new year, to dig deep and find out why you have set those particular goals. Are they “cover” goals hiding something within or are they truly what you want for your SELF? If they are “cover” goals chances are that you will sabotage them and fail to achieve them. But if you have discovered what it is deep down inside that you truly want and you set a goal to achieve THAT, you will have a better chance at success. If it’s confidence that you really want a better job, house, car or relationship isn’t going to give it to you!
If you need help finding out what it is that you really want for your SELF I am always here to assist you. Hit the contact button at the end of this post and fill out the information to reach me. Or I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I truly do wish you the best year of your life. May you discover all that you truly want and desire for your SELF and may you learn to trust and believe in that SELF! As always, take time to Eat Your Dessert First and start your day off with something wonderful!