I’m sure you have seen them already. Friends’ social media posts about New Year’s resolutions and how 2021 is going to be their best year ever. You probably are thinking about your own resolutions and what you want the new year to look like for you.
If you’re like many of us you have made resolutions in the past that have not been fulfilled. After all, it is believed that 80% of people fail to achieve their new year’s resolutions. There are many articles about why we fail to fulfill new year’s resolutions and I myself have written about this in the past. So, if you want to be a part of the 20% of people who actually fulfill their new year’s resolutions, here are four questions to ask yourself before you make your resolutions for the new year. Being honest with yourself and really thinking about these questions just might get you on the path to fulfilling your resolutions so that you can truly have the best year of your life.
Why have my resolutions failed in the past?
Being honest with yourself and digging deep to find out why previous resolutions went unfilled is one of the best ways to ensure you fulfill future resolutions. There are many reasons we fail to fulfill resolutions and sometimes it’s because we didn’t change the behavior or our thinking. Fulfilling resolutions requires making changes within ourselves. If we take the same thinking and behavior into the new year, we can be sure that whatever we resolve to do will turn out the same way as in the past.
2. How did I decide on the resolutions I made?
There are many reasons why we make the resolutions that we make. Asking ourselves how we decided to make those resolutions and understanding their source can go a long way in helping us fulfill future resolutions. Ask yourself did you have a healthy sense of self-worth when you made previous resolutions or were you operating from a place of low self-worth? Were your resolutions rooted in fear? For example, if you have experienced financial challenges and you feared not having enough money in the future and you made a resolution to save more money, if you have not dealt with the thinking and behaviors that caused you not to save in the past (maybe you’re an emotional spender or you haven’t set a budget) you are bound to repeat the behaviors that prevented you from saving in the first place and your resolution to save more money will go unfulfilled
3. What did I change about myself to help me fulfill my resolutions?
2020 presented us with many opportunities for personal growth and development and to make changes within ourselves. 2020 challenged us to think about how we treat ourselves and the people around us. It presented us with opportunities to evaluate how we live our lives,
4. What process can I put in place to support myself and keep me on track to fulfill my resolution(s)?
Having a process or “system” in place to support yourself and help you work through challenges is one of the best ways to ensure your resolutions get fulfilled. I write about it here. Having such a process in place not only helps you work through issues and builds you up, but it can also help you stay motivated and on track to fulfill your goals. Whether it’s a Spiritual practice that consists of meditation, crystals, prayer or it’s something else like daily desserts and positive self-talk, having a practice in place that you rely on when you are feeling doubt and/or fear that threatens to derail your resolutions can help get you back on track.
There you have it. Four questions to ask yourself before you make your new year’s resolutions. Asking these questions of yourself and answering them honestly may be just what you need to make resolutions that you will be able to fulfill. Whatever resolution(s) you decide to make, remember to give yourself some grace and some space and understand that life is going to happen as it always does. Know that this doesn’t have to throw you off track to achieving all that you resolve to achieve. So go ahead, make your resolutions, and look forward to having one of the best years of your life.
We have all heard it said that when the student is ready the teacher shows up. I was in a conversation recently with my BFF Sandra Dee and I was sharing with her all of the opportunities that I have been getting to be a panelist and speaker for various events. There have even been amazing career opportunities that have presented themselves. Its been pretty exciting for me. As we talked about it I recalled a time when I was frustrated because I wasn’t getting these opportunities. I’ve had this brand for over 10 years and have been in this space of inspiration, activism, self-worth, and self-luv for all of them. And though I have served as a keynote speaker and been a panelist countless times, it is only now that the opportunities are pouring in.
“What do you think the difference is,” she asked me, and as I thought about it, I thought about how I felt when presented with these opportunities in the past vs. how I feel now. Suddenly the light bulb turned on and I realized what was different. My confidence! In the past when I was asked to speak I would get extremely nervous. Oh, I would do it and do a great job but the process was almost excruciating. To the point where I would be tempted to pull out of the engagement. And I have done that too. I have canceled events that I had planned, had family emergencies so that I didn’t have to go through with a speaking commitment, or serve as a panelist or be in front of people. I was operating from a place of fear.
I have now reached a point in my life where I have learned to trust myself and the Spirit within me. I trust that I am capable of. I trust that I can execute. I trust that what I have to say is what is needed at the moment. I trust in my purpose. I am confident in the wisdom of my words. I am confident in ME. Getting to this point in my life has been a long and arduous process. It has been a beautiful process though, filled with all kinds of experiences. Some that still incite tears when I think about them and some that brought the badass me that I didn’t realize was there. There were some that brought sadness and despair and there were some that required me to develop my talents, skills, ideas, and strategic thinking. All of them played a role in me becoming the confident woman that I am now.
“Ah”, Sandra Dee said, “when the student is ready the teacher shows up.” But what I heard was “When the TEACHER is ready the students show up!” And that is was resonated with me. Students were showing up to hear what I have to say because their teacher is now ready. And ready she is!!
Many of us have referred to 2020 as one of the worst years of our lifetime. So much has happened including a pandemic (Coronavirus) that has affected over 6 million people here in America and over 25 million worldwide. 183,000 people have died here in American and nearly 1 million people worldwide have lost their lives to this deadly disease. George Floyd was murdered on television in front of our eyes by a police officer. Breonna Taylor was shot and killed while sleeping in her own bed by police who were looking for a man already in their custody. We have seen the deaths of freedom fighter and Congressman John Lewis and just a couple days ago actor Chadwick Boseman of Black Panther and many other movies died of colon cancer at only 43 years of age. Yes, many challenges have presented themselves to us in 2020.
In addition to collective challenges, many of us have been presented with challenges on an individual level.For me, I believe that challenges are actually opportunities. Because of this I believe 2020 will be one of the best years of our lives Both collectively and personally.
Here’s why I say that. 2020 is a four year. 2+0+2+0=4. In numerology the number 4 represents foundation, structure and stability. It is believed to be a perfect number, the number of completion, a number of wholeness. There are four seasons, four quarters in a year, There are four parts to a whole. Four directions. Four tires on a car. Four sides to a square. A four count in dance and music completes a whole. Once you get to four you start over. And here is the point I am trying to make.
2020 is a year of completion. The foundation that this nation and other nations of the world were built on are crumbling. They are falling right before our eyes. Social systems, political systems, governments, economic systems and the like are falling apart. People are rising up all around the world and saying that they are no longer willing to live under racist systems of inequality. People are coming together all over the world and uniting to demand change and bring down these systems.
But more importantly the foundation that we have built our own lives and stories on are also crumbling. Every belief that we have about ourselves is being challenged. The stories that we have believed about who we are, the stories that others have told us about ourselves are falling down! We are all being presented with an opportunity to create a new story and belief about who we are and what we are capable of. If you’ve ever believed that you are not lovable, smart, talented, capable, powerful, important, Divine, or anything else that has made you feel less-than, you are being presented with an opportunity to do away with those beliefs and create a new belief about yourself. You are being afforded the opportunity to create new systems to support yourself in all that you do.
2020 is offering us an opportunity to cleanse from all that has weighed us down and to heal from past pain and trauma. It is presenting an opportunity to work through and let go. It is presenting an opportunity to begin again but not before we face every negative thing that we have ever been told and believed about ourselves.
So, though it seems challenging and to be the worst year of your life, I present to you that 2020 is in fact the best year of your life. I encourage you to change your belief about 2020 and begin to see it for what it is, a time of opportunity for growth and personal and collective evolution. I encourage you to take advantage of this energy and rebuild a structure and foundation that will support you in fulfilling your life’s purpose. I hope you will use this energy to create new beliefs about yourself and those that you influence. Take time to luv and support yourself through this process. If you need help or support in this process please feel free to reach out to me or to someone else but please get the support that you need. This is an immense time of opportunity and I hope you will take advantage of it.
Recently I was driving and thinking about the fact that folks in my circle were saying that they were not feeling the Christmas Spirit. I realized that I wasn’t either. With everything going on around us be it socially, politically or otherwise, I can see why we are feeling that way.
One thing that I do when I am feeling a certain way is ask myself the question of why I’m feeling that way and what is the source of the feeling. After asking this question about not being in the Spirit, I realized that it was because I had not CREATED the Christmas Spirit within me. I started to reflect on all the things that were going on in my own life and how I had let them interfere with my joy. I also realized that I decided at that point that I was going home to decorate my home and do what I needed to do to create the feeling of Christmas.
While getting together with girlfriends the next day I asked them if they were in the Christmas Spirit. It wasn’t a surprise when they both replied that there weren’t. I shared my revelation of not creating the Christmas spirit that I had had the previous day with them, and we all agreed that the Christmas Spirit is something that we could create. We had a profound conversation about how people no longer greet each other with a “Merry Christmas” or a “Happy Holidays” much anymore Like we experienced when we were growing up. We reflected on how as children, we remembered our parents greeting neighbors and people on the street with holiday greetings and well wishes. We remembered the holiday baking and cooking and the feeling that these acts brought with them. But we also reflected on some of the traumas that we associated with this time of the year and how they still affect us. It was a beautiful conversation on personal responsibility and connections and the power of creation. We left there agreeing to go about our days greeting people that we came in contact with and doing our part to crate the Holiday Spirit that we felt was missing.
I hope that if you are not feeling much like Christmas right now or are not in the Spirit of the holidays, that you will get yourself to a place where you can create the feeling and the experience that you desire. As Divine beings we have the power to create the reality that we want to have. Whether it be the holiday Spirit or a life that we enjoy, we are powerful beings Divinely gifted with the power to create our realities. There are many resources out there to guide you in this process. I f you need help with this please reach out. I am always here. May you have the happiest of holidays and may you create the life that you truly desire.
National Dessert Day happens to fall on my favorite day of the week: Monday. Couple this with the Full Moon in Aries and I’m in my happy place. Here at EMDF we believe that Monday, the start of the week for many, is a great day to set the tone for the rest of your week. It’s a great day to DECIDE that you will have the kind of week/days that make you happy. If you need some inspiration Indulge in one of our Daily Desserts. You’ll be sure to find something that inspires you. have yourself a great Monday!
From right to left Tina, Rhachelle Nicole, Jess Flo, off Black Girls Inspired
Last week-end I had the pleasures off being invited to attend an event hosted by Rhachelle Nicol . The name off the event was the My Scars Chat this was a live panel discussion that focused on Domestic Violence’s on family, children and communities. The panel discussion was between men and women and focused on mental, physical, verbal and financial abuse. The panelists were all experts on the these issues and some off them even had gone through domestic violence themselves.
All I can say is hats off to Rhachelle Nicol for bringing more awareness to Domestic Violence in our community and hosting such an amazing event. It was very empowering to hear all the different stories these men and women shared. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when it was over. It was so amazing to see so many brave men and women open up and express them…
When was the last time you told your SELF Thank You? As
you’ve thanked everyone for helping you, encouraging you and supporting you,
have you thanked your SELF? It is easy to overlook the very person who dreams,
who perseveres, who tries time and time again even when they fail. The person
who gets up each day and goes about their day no matter how routine or mundane
it may seem. The person who provides for themselves and their families. The
person who supports and encourages others. The one who is always there for
their friends and family. The person who believes in themselves, and in the
power of their own dreams.
So often we make it a point to thank other people in our lives. When someone expresses kindness to us, we thank them. When someone gives us a compliment, we thank them. When someone offers their support to us, we thank them. We make sure to thank others. But thanking ourselves is something we may rarely think of doing but should do more often. After all, it is you that takes care of you. It is you that gets up and moves forward even when you don’t feel like it. Without YOU, you wouldn’t be able to do any of the things that you do. So, just as you acknowledge other and give thanks to and for them, do the same for your SELF and tell YOU Thank You.