The Need to Be Right
Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas and joy for the holidays. May peace be yours today and always.
In Luv and Dessert,
Every one of us is experiencing personal growth and evolution in some form right now. Just take a look at social media. You will see posts from people expressing how they are loving and taking care of themselves, what they will and will no longer accept in their lives, how they are healing from childhood wounds, and so on. People are setting boundaries for themselves that they are not allowing others to violate. They are honoring themselves and giving themselves grace as they navigate the waters of personal growth. We are all shedding our old selves and transforming into the beings we were created to be. We are not who we used to be.
As we all continue to grow and evolve, it is essential to remember that others are growing and evolving as well. Not only are we not the person we used to be, but other people are not who they used to be either. This includes people you may have had differences with, people who may have hurt you in some way, or people you just didn’t get along with. Often, the version of a person that we remember most and hold onto is the one that we associate with the emotion that stems from a personal experience or something we heard or read about them. This version may no longer exist.
As you continue to grow and evolve, release yourself from previous versions of yourself that no longer exist. But as you do, also release others from the version of them that you remember or knew them to be. Give people the space to grow and evolve and allow them to be the newest version of themselves. Holding on to an old version of a person and judging them in the present based on who they were in the past does not serve us, nor does it serve the greater good.
Let’s remember that we are all growing and evolving into who we were created to be. Holding ourselves and others in the energy of the past inhibits our growth. It’s time for all of us to become who we were created to be and give others the space to do the same.
In luv and dessert,
Being unbothered doesn’t mean that we ignore what is going on around us. It means that we see and acknowledge the things that are happening around us but we don’t allow them to disturb our peace and interrupt our happiness.
Who would you be without the story that you have told yourself about yourself?
Something that we all need in life is to feel significant and valuable. The world doesn’t always give us that. Often, we use the circumstances of our lives to create stories about ourselves. So often, these are stories of overcoming. We luv a good overcoming story, don’t we?! Feeling like we’ve overcome life’s circumstances offers us feelings of significance, worth, and value that we desire.
If you’ve followed my writing for a while, you will remember that I strive to help readers understand that we are inherently valuable and significant, just as we are in all of our being. We don’t need a story to validate us.
I hope you will use today’s #MondayMantra to let go of any story about yourself that you may be holding on to. I hope that you will come to understand your inherent worth, value, and significance because you are all of these things just as you are.
n Luv and Dessert,
Grace: “The exercise of love, kindness, mercy, favor; disposition to benefit or serve another; favor bestowed or privilege conferred.”
It costs us nothing to extend grace to ourselves and others except our ego. May you live in a state of grace today and always.
In luv and Dessert,
I’m sure you have seen them already. Friends’ social media posts about New Year’s resolutions and how 2021 is going to be their best year ever. You probably are thinking about your own resolutions and what you want the new year to look like for you.
If you’re like many of us you have made resolutions in the past that have not been fulfilled. After all, it is believed that 80% of people fail to achieve their new year’s resolutions. There are many articles about why we fail to fulfill new year’s resolutions and I myself have written about this in the past. So, if you want to be a part of the 20% of people who actually fulfill their new year’s resolutions, here are four questions to ask yourself before you make your resolutions for the new year. Being honest with yourself and really thinking about these questions just might get you on the path to fulfilling your resolutions so that you can truly have the best year of your life.
Being honest with yourself and digging deep to find out why previous resolutions went unfilled is one of the best ways to ensure you fulfill future resolutions. There are many reasons we fail to fulfill resolutions and sometimes it’s because we didn’t change the behavior or our thinking. Fulfilling resolutions requires making changes within ourselves. If we take the same thinking and behavior into the new year, we can be sure that whatever we resolve to do will turn out the same way as in the past.
2. How did I decide on the resolutions I made?
There are many reasons why we make the resolutions that we make. Asking ourselves how we decided to make those resolutions and understanding their source can go a long way in helping us fulfill future resolutions. Ask yourself did you have a healthy sense of self-worth when you made previous resolutions or were you operating from a place of low self-worth? Were your resolutions rooted in fear? For example, if you have experienced financial challenges and you feared not having enough money in the future and you made a resolution to save more money, if you have not dealt with the thinking and behaviors that caused you not to save in the past (maybe you’re an emotional spender or you haven’t set a budget) you are bound to repeat the behaviors that prevented you from saving in the first place and your resolution to save more money will go unfulfilled
3. What did I change about myself to help me fulfill my resolutions?
2020 presented us with many opportunities for personal growth and development and to make changes within ourselves. 2020 challenged us to think about how we treat ourselves and the people around us. It presented us with opportunities to evaluate how we live our lives,
4. What process can I put in place to support myself and keep me on track to fulfill my resolution(s)?
Having a process or “system” in place to support yourself and help you work through challenges is one of the best ways to ensure your resolutions get fulfilled. I write about it here. Having such a process in place not only helps you work through issues and builds you up, but it can also help you stay motivated and on track to fulfill your goals. Whether it’s a Spiritual practice that consists of meditation, crystals, prayer or it’s something else like daily desserts and positive self-talk, having a practice in place that you rely on when you are feeling doubt and/or fear that threatens to derail your resolutions can help get you back on track.
There you have it. Four questions to ask yourself before you make your new year’s resolutions. Asking these questions of yourself and answering them honestly may be just what you need to make resolutions that you will be able to fulfill. Whatever resolution(s) you decide to make, remember to give yourself some grace and some space and understand that life is going to happen as it always does. Know that this doesn’t have to throw you off track to achieving all that you resolve to achieve. So go ahead, make your resolutions, and look forward to having one of the best years of your life.
In luv and dessert,
We have all heard it said that when the student is ready the teacher shows up. I was in a conversation recently with my BFF Sandra Dee and I was sharing with her all of the opportunities that I have been getting to be a panelist and speaker for various events. There have even been amazing career opportunities that have presented themselves. Its been pretty exciting for me. As we talked about it I recalled a time when I was frustrated because I wasn’t getting these opportunities. I’ve had this brand for over 10 years and have been in this space of inspiration, activism, self-worth, and self-luv for all of them. And though I have served as a keynote speaker and been a panelist countless times, it is only now that the opportunities are pouring in.
“What do you think the difference is,” she asked me, and as I thought about it, I thought about how I felt when presented with these opportunities in the past vs. how I feel now. Suddenly the light bulb turned on and I realized what was different. My confidence! In the past when I was asked to speak I would get extremely nervous. Oh, I would do it and do a great job but the process was almost excruciating. To the point where I would be tempted to pull out of the engagement. And I have done that too. I have canceled events that I had planned, had family emergencies so that I didn’t have to go through with a speaking commitment, or serve as a panelist or be in front of people. I was operating from a place of fear.
I have now reached a point in my life where I have learned to trust myself and the Spirit within me. I trust that I am capable of. I trust that I can execute. I trust that what I have to say is what is needed at the moment. I trust in my purpose. I am confident in the wisdom of my words. I am confident in ME. Getting to this point in my life has been a long and arduous process. It has been a beautiful process though, filled with all kinds of experiences. Some that still incite tears when I think about them and some that brought the badass me that I didn’t realize was there. There were some that brought sadness and despair and there were some that required me to develop my talents, skills, ideas, and strategic thinking. All of them played a role in me becoming the confident woman that I am now.
“Ah”, Sandra Dee said, “when the student is ready the teacher shows up.” But what I heard was “When the TEACHER is ready the students show up!” And that is was resonated with me. Students were showing up to hear what I have to say because their teacher is now ready. And ready she is!!
In Luv and Dessert,
Many of us have referred to 2020 as one of the worst years of our lifetime. So much has happened including a pandemic (Coronavirus) that has affected over 6 million people here in America and over 25 million worldwide. 183,000 people have died here in American and nearly 1 million people worldwide have lost their lives to this deadly disease. George Floyd was murdered on television in front of our eyes by a police officer. Breonna Taylor was shot and killed while sleeping in her own bed by police who were looking for a man already in their custody. We have seen the deaths of freedom fighter and Congressman John Lewis and just a couple days ago actor Chadwick Boseman of Black Panther and many other movies died of colon cancer at only 43 years of age. Yes, many challenges have presented themselves to us in 2020.
In addition to collective challenges, many of us have been presented with challenges on an individual level.For me, I believe that challenges are actually opportunities. Because of this I believe 2020 will be one of the best years of our lives Both collectively and personally.
Here’s why I say that. 2020 is a four year. 2+0+2+0=4. In numerology the number 4 represents foundation, structure and stability. It is believed to be a perfect number, the number of completion, a number of wholeness. There are four seasons, four quarters in a year, There are four parts to a whole. Four directions. Four tires on a car. Four sides to a square. A four count in dance and music completes a whole. Once you get to four you start over. And here is the point I am trying to make.
2020 is a year of completion. The foundation that this nation and other nations of the world were built on are crumbling. They are falling right before our eyes. Social systems, political systems, governments, economic systems and the like are falling apart. People are rising up all around the world and saying that they are no longer willing to live under racist systems of inequality. People are coming together all over the world and uniting to demand change and bring down these systems.
But more importantly the foundation that we have built our own lives and stories on are also crumbling. Every belief that we have about ourselves is being challenged. The stories that we have believed about who we are, the stories that others have told us about ourselves are falling down! We are all being presented with an opportunity to create a new story and belief about who we are and what we are capable of. If you’ve ever believed that you are not lovable, smart, talented, capable, powerful, important, Divine, or anything else that has made you feel less-than, you are being presented with an opportunity to do away with those beliefs and create a new belief about yourself. You are being afforded the opportunity to create new systems to support yourself in all that you do.
2020 is offering us an opportunity to cleanse from all that has weighed us down and to heal from past pain and trauma. It is presenting an opportunity to work through and let go. It is presenting an opportunity to begin again but not before we face every negative thing that we have ever been told and believed about ourselves.
So, though it seems challenging and to be the worst year of your life, I present to you that 2020 is in fact the best year of your life. I encourage you to change your belief about 2020 and begin to see it for what it is, a time of opportunity for growth and personal and collective evolution. I encourage you to take advantage of this energy and rebuild a structure and foundation that will support you in fulfilling your life’s purpose. I hope you will use this energy to create new beliefs about yourself and those that you influence. Take time to luv and support yourself through this process. If you need help or support in this process please feel free to reach out to me or to someone else but please get the support that you need. This is an immense time of opportunity and I hope you will take advantage of it.
In luv and dessert,
Whether you have given birth to your own children,
raised someone else’s,
or filled the role of mother to your community,
I salute you.
May your Mother’s Day be as fabulous as you are.