4 Questions to ask yourself before making your New Year’s Resolutions

I’m sure you have seen them already. Friends’ social media posts about New Year’s resolutions and how 2021 is going to be their best year ever. You probably are thinking about your own resolutions and what you want the new year to look like for you.

If you’re like many of us you have made resolutions in the past that have not been fulfilled. After all, it is believed that 80% of people fail to achieve their new year’s resolutions. There are many articles about why we fail to fulfill new year’s resolutions and I myself have written about this in the past. So, if you want to be a part of the 20% of people who actually fulfill their new year’s resolutions, here are four questions to ask yourself before you make your resolutions for the new year. Being honest with yourself and really thinking about these questions just might get you on the path to fulfilling your resolutions so that you can truly have the best year of your life.

  1. Why have my resolutions failed in the past?

Being honest with yourself and digging deep to find out why previous resolutions went unfilled is one of the best ways to ensure you fulfill future resolutions. There are many reasons we fail to fulfill resolutions and sometimes it’s because we didn’t change the behavior or our thinking. Fulfilling resolutions requires making changes within ourselves. If we take the same thinking and behavior into the new year, we can be sure that whatever we resolve to do will turn out the same way as in the past.

2.  How did I decide on the resolutions I made?

There are many reasons why we make the resolutions that we make. Asking ourselves how we decided to make those resolutions and understanding their source can go a long way in helping us fulfill future resolutions. Ask yourself did you have a healthy sense of self-worth when you made previous resolutions or were you operating from a place of low self-worth? Were your resolutions rooted in fear? For example, if you have experienced financial challenges and you feared not having enough money in the future and you made a resolution to save more money, if you have not dealt with the thinking and behaviors that caused you not to save in the past (maybe you’re an emotional spender or you haven’t set a budget) you are bound to repeat the behaviors that prevented you from saving in the first place and your resolution to save more money will go unfulfilled

3. What did I change about myself to help me fulfill my resolutions?

2020 presented us with many opportunities for personal growth and development and to make changes within ourselves. 2020 challenged us to think about how we treat ourselves and the people around us. It presented us with opportunities to evaluate how we live our lives,

4. What process can I put in place to support myself and keep me on track to fulfill my resolution(s)? 

Having a process or “system” in place to support yourself and help you work through challenges is one of the best ways to ensure your resolutions get fulfilled. I write about it here. Having such a process in place not only helps you work through issues and builds you up, but it can also help you stay motivated and on track to fulfill your goals. Whether it’s a Spiritual practice that consists of meditation, crystals, prayer or it’s something else like daily desserts and positive self-talk, having a practice in place that you rely on when you are feeling doubt and/or fear that threatens to derail your resolutions can help get you back on track.

There you have it. Four questions to ask yourself before you make your new year’s resolutions. Asking these questions of yourself and answering them honestly may be just what you need to make resolutions that you will be able to fulfill. Whatever resolution(s) you decide to make, remember to give yourself some grace and some space and understand that life is going to happen as it always does. Know that this doesn’t have to throw you off track to achieving all that you resolve to achieve. So go ahead, make your resolutions, and look forward to having one of the best years of your life.

In luv and dessert,

Leisa Monique

The Holiday Spirit

Recently I was driving and thinking about the fact that folks in my circle
were saying that they were not feeling the Christmas Spirit. I realized that I
wasn’t either. With everything going on around us be it socially, politically
or otherwise, I can see why we are feeling that way.

One thing that I do when I am feeling a certain way is ask myself the
question of why I’m feeling that way and what is the source of the feeling. After asking this
question about not being in the Spirit, I realized that it was because I had
not CREATED the Christmas Spirit within me. I started to reflect on all the
things that were going on in my own life and how I had let them interfere with
my joy. I also realized that I decided at that point that I was going home to
decorate my home and do what I needed to do to create the feeling of Christmas.

While getting together with girlfriends the next day I asked them if they
were in the Christmas Spirit. It wasn’t a surprise when they both replied that
there weren’t. I shared my revelation of not creating the Christmas spirit that
I had had the previous day with them, and we all agreed that the Christmas
Spirit is something that we could create. We had a profound conversation about
how people no longer greet each other with a “Merry Christmas” or a
“Happy Holidays” much anymore Like we experienced when we were growing
up. We reflected on how as children, we remembered our parents greeting
neighbors and people on the street with holiday greetings and well wishes. We
remembered the holiday baking and cooking and the feeling that these acts
brought with them. But we also reflected on some of the traumas that we
associated with this time of the year and how they still affect us. It was a
beautiful conversation on personal responsibility and connections and the power
of creation. We left there agreeing to go about our days greeting people that
we came in contact with and doing our part to crate the Holiday Spirit that we
felt was missing.

I hope that if you are not feeling much like Christmas right now or are not
in the Spirit of the holidays, that you will get yourself to a place where you
can create the feeling and the experience that you desire. As Divine beings we
have the power to create the reality that we want to have. Whether it be the
holiday Spirit or a life that we enjoy, we are powerful beings Divinely gifted
with the power to create our realities. There are many resources out there to
guide you in this process. I f you need help with this please reach out. I am
always here. May you have the happiest of holidays and may you create the life
that you truly desire.

In luv and dessert,

Leisa Monique

 

YOU are God

I saw a post recently that said, “God will make a way.” So many of us have been conditioned to believe that the entity that we call God is something outside of ourselves. That’s the kind of world we live in, where we are taught that we are separate from each other and from Spirit energy. But know that God is not outside of ourselves. God is within. YOU are the energy that we call God here on earth in human form. When you look to God you are looking to yourself. You came to this planet with everything you will ever need to fulfill your purpose, serve others and create the life you desire. Look within. Make a way.

Be A Deliberate Creator!

Be deliberate in your thinking for you create what you think about whether you want it or not. #MagnificentMonday #MondayMotivation. Follow us on Instagram @eatmydessertfirst.

 

Deliberate creator post

Self-Worth In The Age of Sexual Assault

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Many of you who have followed my work know that I have been an advocate for women and girls my entire career. It’s why I write this blog. What you may not know is my work in domestic violence and sexual assault prevention. It is something I have done for many years in addition to my political career. I serve on boards and commissions whose work it is to not only bring awareness to the issue of DV and Sexual assault, but to advocate for policy and programs to serve victims.

Four years ago, R & B singer R. Kelly was due to appear in concert here in Las Vegas. You all may now be familiar with the years old accusations against him which include sexual assault of underage girls thanks to the documentary Surviving R. Kelly produced by Dream Hampton which recently aired on Lifetime network. Though the world was shocked to learn of his treatment of women and girls, some of us have been familiar with these accusations for many years.

In an effort to shut down the concert, I launched a coalition of concerned women who worked diligently to bring awareness to the singers alleged atrocities committed against women and girls and to shut down the concert. Though we were not successful in stopping the concert we were successful in getting media coverage and bringing attention to his alleged crimes. I’m proud of the work that the coalition did to stop the concert and I’m proud of the work we continue to do on behalf of women and girls.

Considering the documentary Surviving R. Kelly and the work I helped spearhead to stop his concert four years ago, I received calls from people asking what I had to say about the documentary and was I pleased that it aired. Rather than speaking on the documentary I have chosen to direct my energy to what is most important to me and that is doing the work to ensure that young women and girls (and boys too) understand their value and worth. I want to make sure that we are providing spaces and tools for young people to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and value. If you have ever experienced domestic violence or sexual assault you may feel like a part of you has been stripped away. You may feel like you have no value. I want to tell you that though you may have been victimized you don’t have to take on a victim mentality. Your experience does not have to become your story or your identity. Your experience of assault is not who you are. It is part of your experience, but it is not the totality of you. Your power is internal and comes from your Divinity. It can never be stripped from you nor can it be diminished.

If you need to, please get professional help to guide you through your healing process. Get whatever support you need to get healthy. But whatever you do, always know that no matter what your experiences are in life, they don’t define who you are.

In luv and dessert,

Leisa Monique

Did you choose you or did someone else tell you who to be?

How did you come to be who you are? Did you choose the person you are or did someone else-society, religion, your parents-tell you who to be?

Recently I served as a panelist as part of a discussion on black woman, stereotypes and the #MeToo movement. The discussion centered on the stereotypes associated with black women and how those stereotypes helped perpetuate sexual violence against black women and how those stories are or are not being told in this time of #MeToo.

During the discussion the topic of black womanhood came up, specifically, what it means to be a black woman. My response was that as women, we came into our womanhood in a patriarchal society and that our womanhood has been defined by others. Men. A society that is male centered and male dominated has decided what the standards for being a woman are and women themselves have perpetuated this standard. Men have decided the standards for what a woman should be, how she should dress, how she should speak, how she should behave, wear her hair, who she should date and most importantly, her sexuality.  And all of it is based on the needs, wants and desires of males.

Question for you: Did you as a woman have a say in setting the standard for who you are as a woman or did you fall in line with what was dictated to you? Do you sit quietly when you really have the desire to roar because you have been told that a lady is not loud? Do you stand by when you seen an injustice being committed against others when the warrior spirit in you really wants to fight against that injustice? Do you forgo the short miniskirt that set your heart ablaze when you first saw it or do you choose the more “appropriate” longer skirt because society says that only whores wear dresses that short?

My point is to inspire you to think about how you became who you are. If you are not  being the woman you really want to be then I encourage you to courageously explore who you really are, what it is that you really like and what womanhood means for you  and start on the path to becoming that woman. Know that you are supported every step of the way by the Divine. After all, it is the Divine who created you.

Where Does Your Power Come From?

                                                         Photo credit: http://dronte.deviantart.com/

Where do you get your personal power from? Is it from an external source like your career, the car you drive, the house you live in or the number of educational degrees you have on your wall? Is it from the number of followers you have on social media or the number of “likes” your posts elicit? Do you feel powerful when you delete someone from your friends list on social media outlets? Does it make you feel powerful to cause another person pain or heartache; to possess something that no one else has? To be able to say “I told you so?” Does it make you feel powerful to impede the progress of others? To stand in the way of their success?

You may be surprised at the sources of some people’s personal power. You might be surprised at the source of your own! We all want to feel powerful, to feel significant. But power that comes from external sources is fleeting. True personal power comes from within and is developed when one comes to realize who they are; it does not come from external sources. Understanding that your power source is internal and is based on your Divine nature and not on your personal possessions or any external sources is power in itself. Once you realize your true personal power, nothing is beyond your reach.


“Today I want you to become aware that you already possess all the inner wisdom, strength, and creativity needed to make your dreams come true. This is hard for most of us to realize because the source of this unlimited personal power is buried so deeply beneath the bills, the car pool, the deadlines, the business trip, and the dirty laundry that we have difficulty accessing it in our daily lives. When we can’t access our inner resources, we come to the flawed conclusion that happiness and fulfillment come only from external events. That’s because external events usually bring with them some sort of change. And so, we’ve learned to rely on circumstance outside ourselves for forward or backward momentum as we hurtle through. But we don’t have to do that any longer. We can learn to be the catalysts for our own change.” 

~Sarah Ban Breathnach